I was in a Maze before being my own Advocate
- aashworth003
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
I am sharing a more personal side of what it has meant to navigate the healthcare system over the last fourteen years, that went from misled information to a lot of personal defeat and tears. While I honor the healthcare system is growing and trying to understand each woman's unique experience, we still have a long ways to go. I believe women are complex and need more direction in how to navigate the system while believing supporting oneself is possible. Often, women find themselves getting information on only birth control options, vitamins, and anti-depressants, however, are left without an actual blueprint on what it means to sustain a life with more ease and less pain. There is so much more involved in understanding root causes of each woman's cycle and how it contributes to specific symptoms overtime. The truth is, depending on the severity of a woman's cycle, it is a complete life make-over and not just one quick fix. This life make-over takes A LOT of grit, commitment to self, and will alter the course of your relationships and/or career. Women are not a one size fits all. It is time to honor this and stop treating women as such.
In my young twenties I was still striving to be an athlete while starting my undergraduate career. Unfortunately, during this time my cycle started to become very off and I was experiencing pain that brought up many concerns and questions. I was also young and had no idea who to talk to or where to go to understand what was happening. I remember seeing our family doctor a couple times over my soccer years for certain symptoms and they were focused more on nutrition than anything to do with my periods. I knew eating better was necessary but not the whole puzzle. I then wrote off my feelings and tried ignoring my symptoms as long as I could until I could not. The hard part in writing about this stage in my story, is I definitely needed help and I wanted to stay on the soccer team. I let fear, personal downfalls, a very toxic relationship, and pressure of supporting my future self take away from something I loved for a long time. My solution at that time with many unknowns was diving deep into studies and trying to find another passion that would motivate me enough to keep moving forward. Therefore, I decided to spend a summer saving money to study abroad in Europe after my first year of college. This idea, as silly as it is, stemmed from watching Under the Tuscan Sun as an eighth grader. Also, my love for art history and naturally being an adventurous soul. Therefore, if I physically could not sustain a level of working out I use to, then I surely could sustain other jobs or the mental will to do something entirely different.
It was on the trip where my symptoms were amplifying in ways I can never fully put to words. I found myself leaving the group activities, spending more time in the bathroom on certain tours, and sitting under large trees by one of the nearby rivers where we stayed crying longer than usual. Something deep down within was saying, "I know this is not me and I know I should be able to enjoy this once in a lifetime experience so much more". Yet, this other side of me was stuck in a very confusing, dissociated place.
After this study abroad experience, I went back to the U.S., met with two different doctors between my junior and senior year of college, and they both were more concerned about the fact I was not on birth control than helping me understand why these symptoms were getting more complex. Even after expressing that birth control at nineteen made me suicidal, I was very dismissed and not heard. I found myself even more confused, however, the pressures of getting a degree mattered more to me at the time than putting myself first. I ended up becoming a master at dissociating, hiding during the weeks my pain was bad, and staying busy within my community to avoid symptoms instead of work with them. Present day, I continue to accept and find compassion for this younger version of myself because she was scared of the monstrous physical downfalls and how it would emotionally manifest in uncontrollable ways. The inner fears of how my symptoms would take over daily life became VERY unbearable.
From nineteen to twenty-four many things were a guessing game around my health. It took six years until I found a doctor at the Lutheran Hospital in Thornton, CO where I completed my master's program, that I found a woman who told me what I was battling. After getting an accurate diagnosis and explanation it radically put my experiences into a clearer perspective. I was diagnosed with Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). I am at a place in my life now where I want to be an advocate for other women and name more behind the scene truths of what it actually means to live within your means, be okay with a simpler lifestyle that goes against mainstream media, all while still wanting to succeed in the world. I know it is possible to keep fighting and find a career path that is more aligned with who you are because I am a walking testimony of this now.
What I have learned the past eight years since gaining more knowledge, insight, and support:
Just changing one thing about your daily life will not allow you to continue to function at the level you want to week to week.
You have to be honest about what you struggle with and find people you trust, so you have one or two advocates helping you navigate the healthcare system with more confidence.
This is a serious chronic condition that does require 3-8 supportive wellness modalities. Right now, I have a MD, chiropractor, and eating guide that allows me to stay committed to better managing my pain.
You cannot navigate the dark alone and you are worthy of creating a lifestyle you will thrive in.
Trust the longevity of your health with smaller, tangible changes you make each month.
A stable, compassionate relationship is possible with full transparency and the will to know your role, take accountability, have safe outlets outside of the relationship, and prepare your partner for harder months when you are able.
The physical pain is unpredictable and you will not always be able to move how you would like, however, you can enjoy movement in new ways that will still bring joy.
Tracking your symptoms and intentionally taking days off within the luteal phase of your cycle will help you get through emotional distress with more ease.
You create the cocktail of self-care and therapy that works and the key is keeping it consistent.
It is OK your path is not a linear one. There are many exits before discovering what allows you to function and flow more naturally, so you can experience obtainable life goals.
Below is a link to my first written blog. This community of warriors has made me feel less alone. Disclaimer: Certain health-ads under lifestyle changes have altered given my age and more empirically validated research in recent years for what helps women most.
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