Relational rupture, as painful as it is, clears the way for rebuilding what has always been lost or forgotten in relationship. It is true when two people re-focus on their own health, boundaries, self-care, worth...etc. discomforts will start to dissipate. I know from my own experience that letting yourself radically be wrecked (emotionally and mercifully at times) paves way for the real steps toward active change to take place. What is the hardest to practice and actually understand for most people is how to disengage from a dynamic that causes so much pain, neither person knows how to choose a different way of interacting. I believe this is when dynamics get stuck and often feel scary because both people are unable to see a way back to one another. On the other side of fear, however, is leaning into hope that your connection can grow again. Especially if you both come to the point of wanting to dissipate discomforts and use more emotionally regulated weeks to explore how you want to spend your time together.
Within my own experiences and through grasping themes within others stories, I am finding the real challenge is slowing down the 'minds imagination' enough to a point where you can see what it is you need to accept (in yourself and the other). This way you can actually act more congruently with your future desires in the relationship and overcome the barrier between thought and action. It is easy to constantly live out 'the desired' outcome in your head without ever taking one step toward changing the behavior that will lead to the feeling of true satisfaction. Everyone is constantly seeking and frantically at times clinging to anything that brings some peace or ease of mind. This is completely valid given the complex state of our world and societal anxieties right now. I am learning lately that the key to inner freedom and togetherness truly lies within our humaneness. By humaneness, I mean how we speak out of a more anchored place in our soul that provides clarity for the person we love, without any more guessing games. Being direct is the best way to answer where the change needs to begin. You can start now!
Below are some thoughts on how to rediscover togetherness with the one you love.
Choosing to read next to one another instead of hop on social media or turn toward the TV in the morning.
Sit directly in front of one another and hold hands while talking about your day before starting any kind of "to-do list".
Go outside and lay on your backs with your heads touching, while looking at the sky, and talk about a topic that has not come up for awhile.
Pick both of your favorite childhood game and play it together as adults.
Cuddle in a new environment. Examples are setting up a hammock in a park, bring blankets to a new spot of the city or countryside, setup a spot on your own porch or new spot within your own home, make a play fort, etc..
Pick an activity that helps you both slow down and break up daily routine. One thing I love is going to an art museum with my husband and slowly walking through each floor, hearing inspired thoughts that I would never hear him or myself say just being at home.
Gentle touch without any other expectations. Rediscover what touch is for both of you and be clear on what is calming and what causes discomfort.
Play music that regulates the nervous system before picking up at night and spend a few minutes dancing around.
Lastly, I want to encourage looking at the gaps within your day to day words, actions, or behaviors, and further, ask yourself, "If I were to bring more intention to one of these areas that would invite my partner into my space (maybe even surprise them by my new way of interacting) what would a comfortable starting point be?". I hope this topic helps bridge the grey areas of what it means to think about desired connection verses actively participate in making daily changes that invite a unique routine for togetherness.
ART
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