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Rewards that come with Re-Focusing on your Relationship

Being in a long-term relationship is hard and rewarding work! I am writing this post today to validate the ebb and flow of amazing, beautiful seasons couples can share after years of being together. No matter how much time that passes with busy schedules, there are still ways to make one another a priority. Life definitely demands our time and energy which can alter how much energy we put toward the person we love. Some seasons we are prepared to support one another and have the capacity to do so, other times we are not. None of us can give 100% all the time. It is not humanly possible or attainable. It is, however, completely normal to experience high, highs and low, lows every couple years. I believe what truly bridges our ability to connect within these high and low seasons is consistency. How consistent are you both showing up for another on a weekly basis? If you are not showing up at all, then maybe it is time to consider where all your time is going and what time you do have to make your relationship a priority again.

I have been so inspired lately within my couples work, hearing how people have found their way back to one another after very tragic or unfathomable life altering events. Out of respect and safety of my clients, I will not be sharing in detail specific background information or experiences. Although, I believe it is important to instill hope for others currently navigating difficult life transitions, that you are just as capable of piecing your relationship back together. Here are a couple examples of small wins within couples' relationships I have had the privilege to hear in the recent months:

  • One couple named they started carving time out of their schedules every couple weeks to just discuss finances and be open to one another's current spending habits. These conversations have eliminated internal stressors they have unconsciously held about the other in ways they did not realize. Each spouse has happily shared how much lighter they feel and how they have room to connect in other ways they have missed.

  • Another couple has found relational healing and growth within their own flower garden they have spent years cultivating in their backyard. This garden has become a sanctuary for them in ways never imagined. Each spouse has excitedly shared how this time spent together and independently tending to the flowers has allowed life to slow down. This couple has found their way back to one another through creating ritual at their own home to escape the chaos and stressors of their weekly work schedules.

  • Lastly, another couple has named they are moving back to one of the spouses hometowns. This couple has spent significant time processing and understanding what it would be like to live more within their means and re-create what the meaning of home is for them. I have been extremely impressed by this couple's ability to maneuver through challenging conversations, while finding a way back to mutual ground for making a large life decision. This couple has found new security within themselves as individuals and safety within the relationship to be able to know wherever they move, they will be okay.

On a personal note, every Tuesday evening is game night after dinner in my home. The two of us will play records and pick a short game to play. No cell phone are allowed and it is our time to re-focus on one another. This sounds very simple, and yet, is the one thing that becomes the most challenging thing to do on a weekly basis. If you are in a long-term relationship now, you know. What I can validate most, is that if you pick one small activity to bring back in playful ways within your relationship, intimacy and other missing pieces of the relationship will slowly start to be put back together again. It is not that we do not have the time for one another, it is the time we choose to make each other feel seen. We all are capable of re-engaging in our relationships. The key is it has to be a conscious choice.


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